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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in book_muse's InsaneJournal:

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    Thursday, January 5th, 2012
    6:43 pm
    I don't have the best track record with memes (though I am getting better at answering them) but this one is too good to pass up.  So here it is:

    character questionnaire meme

    Comment with one of my characters (past or present) and I will tell you the following:
    1. What initially prompted me to like the character enough to write about him/her.
    2. One of his/her best traits.
    3. One of his/her worst traits.
    4. How easy/difficult I find it to write the character.
    5. The story/thread/chapter/post/paragraph/tag/phrase where I feel that I truly captured the character.
    6. My plans for the character in the near future.
    Thursday, December 1st, 2011
    11:53 pm
    For all those at [info]feintedmods I just realized that my icons of Willow kissing (yes, I'm weird I try to make sure to always have a kissing icon...anyway) they're all from Easy A so she's kissing Hamish.  This amuses me greatly.
    Thursday, November 24th, 2011
    2:30 am

    I feel sometimes like I dump too much here.  Like people think that I'm some kind of pessimist who thinks that their life is just terrible judging from what I post here when I post.  But my family is dealing with a lot of the outside stuff that's bothering me and wouldn't get the stuff that they aren't also dealing with.

    I feel sometimes like things will never be good again.  Between death, natural disasters and looming unemployment I feel like everything that could possibly get thrown at me has been in the last six months.  And that's not considering the lesser crappy things (brother leaving his wife, uncle dying and mom getting sick) that happened in the previous year.

    I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and family members to support me.  But I don't feel grateful.  I feel desperate.  And sad.  And scared.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life when my job ends in January.  I have no idea where I can go.  I'm terrified that I'm going to spend the rest of my life working in retail and that I'll never have enough money to not have to save for weeks when I want to buy a DVD.  I want to be proud when I tell people what I do for a living instead of feeling ashamed.

    I should be happy that I have great friends in RP because I do.  There are any number of people I can count on and a few  who I not only know I can count on I know I can lean on as well.  And I am happy to have them, grateful even since I know how difficult I am to be around right now.  But instead I feel terrible every time I turn on my computer because I still don't really fit in.  I think that somewhere in my mind I always wanted RP to be what my real life hasn't been up to this point.  I wanted someplace where I fit in, where I got the jokes, where I was part of things.  And I do have friends, I do know some jokes but I guess that we never really leave middle school.  We all still want to be in the In Crowd no matter how old we get (and trust me I'm way too old to be worried about these things).

    I'm not writing this to get sympathy or pity.  I just needed to get this out.  To put into words the thing that keeps bringing me to tears.  I don't want to be this person anymore.  I don't want to feel hurt and scared about everything every time I turn around whether it's in real life or in RP.  And I'm trying not to be that person, but it's so hard. 

    Monday, November 21st, 2011
    11:51 pm
    I don't know how to be who I'm supposed to be.
    Sunday, November 13th, 2011
    9:05 pm
    I think that after over a year of being a failure at these I'm ready to try again. :)

    1. Pick one (or more) of my characters (any of them, past or present) and list up to 3 things/subjects/quotes/etc. that you would like me to extrapolate on
    Wednesday, October 5th, 2011
    9:08 pm
    The hits just keep on coming.  

    I found out a little over a week ago that I won't have a job come January.  And, it's funny, I'm scared because bookselling is all I've ever done but there's this part of me that is so grateful that I'm being forced to change because I never would have done it on my own.  For the last six months or so I've been really unhappy at work and it's shown in my job performance.  I used to love to go to work every day because it was an opportunity to share books with people.  Somehow this last year it's gone from who I am to what I do.  This was evidenced by a poor performance review this year by my new boss.  A performance review that has gutted me and will probably end up getting me in more trouble in the long run but it's odd, even as I'm typing, I'm starting to realize something.  It was bad because I was unhappy and I was unhappy because where I am has become a bad place for me.  

    I have no idea what I'm going to do next, I live in a small city with not a huge amount of opportunity but I think that whatever it is I want it to be as far from bookselling as I can get.  I don't like the kind of employee this last year at work has made me and I might not be able to change much at this point there but it has taught me some hard lessons that I can take with me wherever I end up.
    Monday, September 5th, 2011
    4:32 pm
    I probably don't want to know the answers to this but oh well...

    Without turning me emo and/or making me want to take a bath with all my clothes on, point out the obvious or not so obvious trends or fetishes you see in my tastes. Maybe I'm nuts for all vampire stories, or have a thing for men who smoke, or I'm fond of the tsundere archetype, or I'm into rival slash. Consider this an online workshop of sorts: my writing's on the slab. Have at it.
    Monday, July 18th, 2011
    12:08 am
    I feel like I'm waking up.  Like the last year or more is just a bad dream that I'm trying to shake from my memory.  In doing so though I'm realizing that it's been more than a year since I've felt like myself.  I managed a version of myself before the world kind of went psycho on me but I haven't felt like this in a long time.  Like there's poetry humming through my veins.  Like words move through my mind and my body like electricity.  I haven't felt possiblity in so long that I'd actually forgotten what I really feel like.  Words are speaking to me again, whispering in my ear, reminding me of our long ago relationship and I can't help but smile.  I'm actually smiling when no one is around, that hasn't happened for a while either.  I'm starting to like myself again and it's been a really long time since I could say that.  I feel new, reborn but no longer raw.  I was broken open and left to dry up but I've somehow managed to make it through and I actually feel hope.  It feels good.
    Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
    12:49 pm
    I'm in a meme mood
    My meme answering slump seems to be ending so I'm going to give this one a shot. I totally stole it from [info]goodpilgrim 

    Comment with any number of questions in one or more of the following categories:
    • To my characters (I will respond ICly as that character)
    • About my characters (I will respond OOC)
    • Generic RP/writing/fandom questions
    • Anything else you want to ask!

    Friday, July 8th, 2011
    7:11 pm
    As stolen from [info]glitterberries I think I can actually do this one without forgetting to finish. :)

    Choose one or more characters of mine, and I will use the Polyvore App to create an outfit they would wear on any given day. (Or, conversely, specify a special event/day and I will make an outfit based around that! For example, a wedding or a funeral.)
    1:53 am
    Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
    1:07 am
    All right, I'm going to do it.  And, yes Orla and Kate I know I still owe you from the last meme.  I promise that I'll get to that as soon as I can.  Keep reminding me and eventually I'll be good, I promise!  :)

    Which one of my RP characters (past or present) is most like me, and why?


    Sunday, June 26th, 2011
    11:12 pm
    I've been keeping people here updated on my own little natural disaster in the making. So far my community is safe (so far being the key) but the water is supposed to hold at 38 feet (our levees are 41) until September at the earliest. They're releasing even more water from the dams in South Dakota so we'll see if the levees hold.

    That said, even though my community is safe many aren't. There are whole towns along the Missouri River in Iowa, Nebraska and now Missouri that are completely under water or nearly so. The national media isn't giving it much (or any) attention because only one person has died thus far. But thousands of families have been displaced and of those many will have nothing to go back to. The Red Cross is accepting donations now for the Missouri River flooding. The money will go to provide food, shelter and basic necessities for those who have nowhere else to go. Later on the money will go towards the massive cleanup that will happen once the water receeds. 

    In case anyone wants to know what the Missouri River currently looks like here are some overhead shots. The two cities seen are Omaha, NE and Council Bluffs, IA.




    Current Music: Cheshire Kitten-SJ Tucker
    Tuesday, June 21st, 2011
    1:52 pm
    It's funny, anyone who met me a year and a half ago would have told you I was friendly, bubbly even.  I was the first one there when someone needed cheering up and didn't really care how stupid I had to make myself look to do it.  I'd like to think that's still who I am but that person feels so far away anymore.  I feel like I'm always on the verge of melting down.  Everything makes me cry. 

    I would just like the world to stop crapping on me for a little while.  In the last year and a half I've dealt with my brother leaving his family for his friend's wife (and also turning into a major tool in the process), health scares with my niece, my uncle dying, my mom getting cancer (again), my mom going into a coma for reasons still unknown, my mother passing away, a second cousin getting hit by a car and killed.  And that's not counting money issues and work problems and dealing with the increasing demands of being a co-caretaker for my grandmother. Oh, and the looming potential of losing everything in this damn flood.

    And with all this I feel so isolated.  I wonder if a lot of the people who I worked so hard to cheer up are nowhere to be found when I could really use the cheering up.

    I don't know myself anymore.
    Monday, June 13th, 2011
    11:42 pm
    One of these days I swear that I'm going to post something happy. First, my thoughts go out to those in Christchurch, New Zealand. The last thing they needed was another earthquake.

    And now an update on my own personal natural disaster in progress.The Missouri River Flooding. If anyone is from the central part of the US and planning on travelling north on Interstate 29 and going through Iowa, be prepared for a really long detour. I-29 is partially underwater from just north of Council Bluffs (where I'm from) to Loveland. Levees have been breeched in several locations there are already a handful of small towns that are almost completely under water and that's not even considering the farm land that's being flooded. As of now the levees here are holding though we're making evacuation plans just in case.

    In case anyone wants to see what it looks like (the footage was taken a couple miles north of where I live). Council Bluffs flooding
    1:37 am
    Please help!
    Attention those who are apping for [info]wiztechmods does anyone have a pureblood family that they would be willing to muddy a bit?  Bree, the single mother character I'm working on needs a pureblooded ex-husband and her kid needs a daddy.  I've tried to come up with someone who hasn't been used but almost all the pureblooded families are accounted for.  So, any takers?  I don't need a specific character just a family that's willing to gett muddied up by my halfbood Li-Wood hybrid.
    Thursday, June 9th, 2011
    1:40 am
    I've never done battle logs before and have rarely written any kind of fighting so if I mess up please let me know.  I'm just grateful that they're being started while I'm on vacation so I have plenty of time to dedicate to them.  If anyone wants any of mine for additional threads, let me know. :)

    Sunday, June 5th, 2011
    5:47 pm
    I've never really thought about living close to the second largest river in the US.  It's just always been there.  The big brown thing that separated Iowa and Nebraska.  But the flooding here is really bringing home just how damaging living this close to water can be.  My part of town is supposedly safe (yes, I worry about everything) but my best friend has already been evacuated and a co-worker was told yesterday that she was going to have to leave her house.  Both of them actually live further inland than I do.  I guess this is one of those times that I'm going to have to just not think about it.  But it's hard when you hear about whole towns being evacuated along the river. 
    Saturday, June 4th, 2011
    12:34 am
    Obviously stolen from [info]indigo_n_orange 

    If I don't finish this one feel free to force me to do so. I suck at finishing memes but I'm always blindly optimistic that this time will be the time I'm good and remember to finish. Anyway, here it is! 
     
    Choose any character past or present (even future if you so choose):

    01. Full name?
    02. Best friend?
    03. Sexuality?
    04. Favourite colour?
    05. Relationship status?
    06. Ideal mate?
    07. Turn-ons?
    08. Last sexual experience?
    09. Favourite food?
    10. Crushes?
    11. Favourite music?
    12. Biggest fear?
    13. Biggest fantasy?
    14. Quirks in bed?
    15. Bad habits?
    16. Biggest regret?
    17. Best kept secrets?
    18. Last thought?
    19. Worst sexual experience?
    20. Biggest insecurity?

    Wednesday, May 25th, 2011
    2:17 pm
    I don't normallly participate in Snaps because I'm always afraid no one will say anything but I could use even a little bit of love today so here it is.
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